Well, I suppose it is high time I put my money where my mouth is. A growing skepticism over issues with today’s schools has moved me to decisions I never once thought I’d need, let alone, want to make. But here we are. Getting ready to home school.
What began, in my opinion, as a need has become a strong desire. If someone had told me two years ago that I’d even be considering home school, I would have laughed them out of the room.
There is not one instance or experience in my life, that I don’t feel has led me to where I am… and will continue to lead me in this endeavor. When Dustin told me that I’d need to pack up my life and head west to Texas, he thought he was enticing me by telling me I didn’t have to work. Hmph! I didn’t feel enticed in the least bit. In fact, I felt slighted. Didn’t he know how important my public school job was to me? It wasn’t a job. It was my life. I fought it hard. When I got to Texas, I searched feverishly for a teaching position. I was a bit dismayed as to why I wouldn’t at least get an interview. After all, I’d never experienced rejection in my career before. I left my school in Mississippi on a high, after having just been recognized as Teacher of the Year, and being a team leader, and having other adults request to visit my classroom to view “best practices” as we educators call it. Now looking back, I know that God has always had my best interest at heart. And even more encouraging, He’s had my children’s best interest at heart. I never got an interview. I honestly think God needed to humble me. I also without question believe He knew what was coming. God knew that first I’d become pregnant and need to stay home with Sam. He knew second that my distaste for the current state of affairs in public education would grow exponentially. He knew third that my oldest child would begin struggling in math. He knew fourth that because of those struggles in math she would develop high anxiety. He knew fifth that my sweet anxious child would become increasingly worried about tests… so worried that she’d begin exhibiting behaviors outside of her control. He was giving us all experiences that would mold my heart; so that I could shepherd my child through her struggles and her fears.
I am scared to death about home schooling. I fear that my children will not be socially well adjusted. I fear they wont have friends. I fear they’ll end up resenting me for not allowing them the opportunity to go to a traditional school. I don’t think I’m a traditional home school mom. I haven’t made this decision because I am fully and confidently convinced that learning at home from mom is the best route for education. After all, I have first hand experiences of some truly beautiful moments inside of a classroom… both as a student and a teacher. I have made this decision because of issues either with my own lack of confidence in our ever growing top down take over of schools, or with personal concerns over seeing my child struggle through her very real and scary anxiety.
I’m taking a leap and trusting with every fiber of my being that God has led me here and will therefore lead me through it. I’m taking this leap because my heart is changed. I’m taking this leap because my very hesitant and skeptical husband,is now completely at peace with at least giving it a try. Dustin and I have committed to not committing to this. We will take this year by year. We will allow God to lead us back to a school or through the journey of home school. It may look totally different for Sam, who must absolutely unequivocally play baseball! We might have to find a school just for him, so that he can follow in his Popsi’s footsteps and become our family’s next pro player. Who knows what the future holds. We are not promised tomorrow, which is why I choose to keep my children close to me today. I welcome any and all advice… Unless what you have to share may make me cry. I’ve done enough of that already :)
Thank you Jesus for changing my heart without me even realizing it was happening. Thank you for the beauty of choice and opportunity in a variety of forms. Thank you for the people you have put in my path to help me feel encouraged and not so overwhelmed. Thank you for your provision in spite of my stubbornness. Thank you most of all for revealing to me that my purpose here is to be a mother to my children, to guide them, and to mold them. Thank you for the ability you have gifted me with so that I feel confident teaching my children. Thank you!