Provision

if only  sparrow  

“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?”

I fought this move to Texas hard. I was sure my calling and gift from God was to teach. Even more specifically, I was certain that my purpose was to teach upper grade literature and writing. I had such passion for it. Still do. But it’s funny how life throws the most amazing curve balls just to mix things up and show me that I don’t know it all. Dustin was very persistent in his desire to follow where God was leading us. He was as certain that this was the move for us as I was that it was not. But, I followed. Begrudgingly, mind you.

I have always been aware of the passage from the Bible that speaks of God taking care of us and providing for us. I know in my head that He calls us to not worry. But my heart didn’t trust. My heart didn’t have faith. I love when God shows up to say “I told you so.”

This morning as I reflect on my failure to trust, I praise God for never leaving nor forsaking me. I praise God for His great provision. I was keenly aware last night as I drove home from parent orientation at school just how much more awesome His plan is than mine. I began immediately listing in my mind all the ways, He has provided.

1. Our house in MS sold within three weeks. (We said we wouldn’t go if it didn’t sell)

2. Our house in MS sold within days before we were scheduled to come to TX to look for houses. (We said we wouldn’t be able to look for homes if our house had not sold by the time we visited Houston)

3. The last remaining house available in the school zone we wanted was only available because the original buyers backed out.

4. The secretary at the school, when we toured, told us she was also from MS and was so kind to Reese. Reese walked away saying she had found her new Ms. Kimble. (Reese did not want to leave Ms. Kimble behind in MS)

5. Emerson and Reese have never once looked back. Their excitement has been relieving to say the least.

6. I was more persistent than I have ever been about obtaining a teaching position at Emerson and Reese’s school. I emailed, called, went by to hand deliver resumes, got my MS principal to write and email on my behalf. Not to appear overly confident or arrogant, but I had a great resume. I had what principals would look for in a reading teacher (so I thought). I was just bewildered why I wouldn’t at least get an interview. I believe I didn’t get it for a specific reason.

7. I became pregnant.

8. I increasingly became not just okay, but really comfortable with staying home. I have become a baker, a cleaner, an organizer, a writer, a reader, and unfortunately a shopper. My mornings in MS were rushed and chaotic to say the least. I was not pleasant with my children who always seemed to be slowing me down as we were trying to get to work and school. I gave so much of my time and heart to my students that I somehow forgot my main responsibility. Our mornings now are refreshing. They are calm. We read stories at breakfast and laugh and pray before leaving home. We sit together in car rider line and talk.

9. Emerson has always enjoyed reading. But she has flourished this summer and in just the few short weeks of being at school. She has a chapter book with her at all times (her favorite of course is the Gooney Bird series from Lois Lowry :)) She has two amazing teachers who are just the most perfect fit for her. I was upset that I wouldn’t be able to pick her teacher this year as I have in the past, being a teacher at her school. I was worried she wouldn’t get who she needed. Emerson needs just the right combination of structure and nurture or she gives up. She feels defeated easily. These two precious ladies, Ms. Hudspeth and Ms. Klenke, couldn’t have been a better fit. Emerson comes home telling me about all of Ms. Hudspeth’s books and how much she loves to read. And she always has funny stories about Ms. Klenke. Ms. Klenke is great for Emerson because Ms. Klenke loves humor. I have heard every night for two weeks how funny she is. I got a glimpse of her humor last night at parent night and Emerson was right. I love that Emerson has opportunities during the day to laugh with her teacher. I cry easily. I get emotional way too often. I’m hoping Ms. Klenke couldn’t see my tears of joy last night as she was presenting her curriculum. When she announced that one of the prizes for good behavior was for a student to “buy” the class a ten minute dance party, I almost lost it. Those are the kinds of teachers we need. Teachers who engage our children with heart and soul.

10. On to Reese and her teacher. For those of you who know my Reese, you know how tenderhearted she is. Ms. Stokes is the same way. She is nurturing, soft spoken, caring, and generous. Reese adores her. I was so worried that Reese would get a teacher who could possibly break her spirit. Reese doesn’t thrive under harsh discipline. She needs smiles and hugs. She got the best teacher for her. I also love that Ms. Stokes appreciates Reese’s southern accent. Ms. Stokes told me last night that Reese’s writing shows apparent signs of a Mississippi girl, being that first graders spell words phonetically.

11. Our church. I have never seen Emerson and Reese so excited on a Sunday morning. They adore the music, the teachings, and the people. Dustin and I searched for a long time, both in MS and in TX, but God knew where He wanted us.

It’s amazing to me that in spite of all of my stubbornness and unfaithfulness, that God still loves me enough to show me that His  way is best.

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