Pause, Reflect, Investigate, Discover

faithYesterday my devotional time was spent in Genesis chapters 1-7. Everything was going smoothly until I approached chapter 6. In chapter 6 of Genesis, specifically verses 5-8, the Word says this: “Then the Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intent of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. And the Lord was sorry that He had made man on the earth, and He was grieved in His heart. So the Lord said, I will destroy man whom I have created from the face of the earth, both man and beast, creeping thing and birds of the air, for I am sorry that I have made them. But Noah found grace in the eyes of the Lord”

… Wait. What?

I immediately stopped. Just as when I read fiction, I analyze… and analyze… and then analyze just a little more. I paused there and reflected, read it again, read my footnotes, then opened Google. I came to an article on this chapter that attempted to satisfy my curiosities but didn’t quite cut it. So I emailed my pastor and Dustin to get their thoughts.

My questions were: 1)Was God taken aback by how destructive man had become? and 2) Did God alter His plan (sending a flood to destroy mankind) based on the free will choices man had made?

Now I know, because I’ve grown up hearing it since I can remember, that God’s word does not contradict itself. I know that God doesn’t make mistakes, and that His plan is perfectly planned from the beginning. He is the alpha and the omega. My head knows. But my worldly interpretation of the language I was reading was peaking my curiosities to say the least. My pastor recommended a book titled God’s Lesser Glory, which I promptly ordered. He even gave it a term, Open Theism. How could I have never heard of this before?

So now I have yet another book on my to read list. This one is at the top.

I wrestled with yesterday’s devotion much of the day. Internal turmoil brewing. Today, God brought me peace with the next chapters. I continued reading in Genesis. Beginning with chapter 8, I was still less than hopeful that I would find what I was looking for today. The light began to seep in as I read this in Chapter 8: “Then the Lord said in His heart, I will never again curse the ground for man’s sake, although the imagination of man’s heart is evil from his youth; nor will I again destroy every living thing as I have done.”

I paused again. I initially read this and thought, Okay, here we go again, God is regretful that He sent the flood. I don’t mean to question the authoritative, Living Word of my God. But I think that the only real revelations and true knowledge come from curiosity, investigation, and discovery. So, I question.. I investigate… I discover. Today I discovered good news!

I read on. In Chapter 9, God reveals that He is good ALL the time. Chapter 9, verses 11, 12, & 13 say this: “Thus I establish My covenant with you: Never again shall all flesh be cut off by the waters of the flood; never again shall there be a flood to destroy the earth. And God said This is the sign of the covenant which I make between Me and you and every living creature that is with you, for perpetual generations. I set My rainbow in the cloud, and it shall be for the sign of the covenant between Me and the earth.”

God knew that man’s heart had not changed. God knew mankind would continue to do evil things. Yet, He gave a promise that we would not be destroyed. Free will and God’s sovereign and omniscient power don’t contradict one another, simply because God is not human. My pastor gave me some words to ponder that makes this easier to grasp. He said (I’m paraphrasing) that the Bible is written in man’s language, not God’s. So when I read the words of man (Inspired by God) somethings are just going to simply get lost in translation. That’s probably why there are so many debates among so many people about this infallible Word.

I will continue in my pursuits to understand, knowing that I will not fully understand because that is not God’s intent. God’s intent is that I believe, that my blind faith is strengthened each time I open His Word to scrutinize and analyze. I was equipped with the gift of analyzing literature. I’m curious as to why it has taken me so long to realize that I can extend this gift to the Bible.

Thank you Father, today, for the gift of investigation and self discovery. Thank you for blind faith and belief. Thank you for being so hard to understand, that your Word causes me to pause and reflect and question and discover You more fully.

Prayer and Devotional – January 8, 2013

pray
Dear Heavenly Father,
I worship you this morning for all that you are, all that you have always been, and all that you will be to me in eternity. I thank you so much for the gift of music that you have given us to enjoy. So many of your people are furthering your kingdom with their voices. This morning as I was in the car with Emerson and Reese you allowed us to hear “O the Blood” by Kari Jobe. Thank you for that moment and thank you for my tears that caused my children to question why I would cry. Thank you for Reese and Emerson’s understanding of the magnitude of your sacrifice for us. Thank you for their spirits and heart for you at such an early age. Thank you Father for loving us when we don’t deserve it. I am a wretched sinner. Everyday I shame you. Everyday you forgive me. How and why? That forgiveness alone shows how UNhuman you are and how majestic you are. Thank you is all I can say. Praise is all I have. Bless my family near and far today. Bless us so that we may be a blessing to others. The more I seek you, the more I find you and for that I am grateful. I want to spend more time in the living word this year. Be with me and beside me and within me as I lay aside my other idols to make your word the only idol. My heart belongs to you. I know that in your word you say to pray quietly and alone. Today, I share my prayer because I want others to see you. The journey to you is a journey I long for for so many people in my life. I pray that someone today will see you in a way they never have. Reveal yourself to those who do not know you. Reveal yourself to my friends and family that need you now more than ever. Reveal yourself to the world, Father.
In your Holy and Everlasting name,
Amen
New International Version (1984): Chronological
Read the Bible as its events occurred in real time.

Jan 1: Gen 1-3
Jan 2: Gen 4-7
Jan 3: Gen 8-11
Jan 4: Job 1-5
Jan 5: Job 6-9
Jan 6: Job 10-13
Jan 7: Job 14-16
Jan 8: Job 17-20
Jan 9: Job 21-23
Jan 10: Job 24-28
Jan 11: Job 29-31
Jan 12: Job 32-34
Jan 13: Job 35-37
Jan 14: Job 38-39
Jan 15: Job 40-42
Jan 16: Gen 12-15
Jan 17: Gen 16-18
Jan 18: Gen 19-21
Jan 19: Gen 22-24
Jan 20: Gen 25-26
Jan 21: Gen 27-29
Jan 22: Gen 30-31
Jan 23: Gen 32-34
Jan 24: Gen 35-37
Jan 25: Gen 38-40
Jan 26: Gen 41-42
Jan 27: Gen 43-45
Jan 28: Gen 46-47
Jan 29: Gen 48-50
Jan 30: Ex 1-3
Jan 31: Ex 4-6
Feb 1: Ex 7-9
Feb 2: Ex 10-12
Feb 3: Ex 13-15
Feb 4: Ex 16-18
Feb 5: Ex 19-21
Feb 6: Ex 22-24
Feb 7: Ex 25-27
Feb 8: Ex 28-29
Feb 9: Ex 30-32
Feb 10: Ex 33-35
Feb 11: Ex 36-38
Feb 12: Ex 39-40
Feb 13: Lev 1-4
Feb 14: Lev 5-7
Feb 15: Lev 8-10
Feb 16: Lev 11-13
Feb 17: Lev 14-15
Feb 18: Lev 16-18
Feb 19: Lev 19-21
Feb 20: Lev 22-23
Feb 21: Lev 24-25
Feb 22: Lev 26-27
Feb 23: Num 1-2
Feb 24: Num 3-4
Feb 25: Num 5-6
Feb 26: Num 7
Feb 27: Num 8-10
Feb 28/29: Num 11-13
Mar 1: Num 14-15; Ps 90
Mar 2: Num 16-17
Mar 3: Num 18-20
Mar 4: Num 21-22
Mar 5: Num 23-25
Mar 6: Num 26-27
Mar 7: Num 28-30
Mar 8: Num 31-32
Mar 9: Num 33-34
Mar 10: Num 35-36
Mar 11: Deut 1-2
Mar 12: Deut 3-4
Mar 13: Deut 5-7
Mar 14: Deut 8-10
Mar 15: Deut 11-13
Mar 16: Deut 14-16
Mar 17: Deut 17-20
Mar 18: Deut 21-23
Mar 19: Deut 24-27
Mar 20: Deut 28-29
Mar 21: Deut 30-31
Mar 22: Deut 32-34; Ps 91
Mar 23: Josh 1-4
Mar 24: Josh 5-8
Mar 25: Josh 9-11
Mar 26: Josh 12-15
Mar 27: Josh 16-18
Mar 28: Josh 19-21
Mar 29: Josh 22-24
Mar 30: Jud 1-2
Mar 31: Jud 3-5
Apr 1: Jud 6-7
Apr 2: Jud 8-9
Apr 3: Jud 10-12
Apr 4: Jud 13-15
Apr 5: Jud 16-18
Apr 6: Jud 19-21
Apr 7: Ruth
Apr 8: 1Sam 1-3
Apr 9: 1Sam 4-8
Apr 10: 1Sam 9-12
Apr 11: 1Sam 13-14
Apr 12: 1Sam 15-17
Apr 13: 1Sam 18-20; Ps 11/59
Apr 14: 1Sam 21-24
Apr 15: Ps 7/27/31/34/52
Apr 16: Ps 56/120/140-142
Apr 17: 1Sam 25-27
Apr 18: Ps 17/35/54/63
Apr 19: 1Sam 28-31; Ps18
Apr 20: Ps 121/123-125/128-130
Apr 21: 2Sam 1-4
Apr 22: Ps 6/8-10/14/16/19/21
Apr 23: 1Chron 1-2
Apr 24: Ps 43-45/49/84-85/87
Apr 25: 1Chron 3-5
Apr 26: Ps 73/77-78
Apr 27: 1Chron 6
Apr 28: Ps 81/88/92-93
Apr 29: 1Chron 7-10
Apr 30: Ps 102-104
May 1: 2Sam 5:1-10; 1Chron 11-12
May 2: Ps 133
May 3: Ps 106-107
May 4: 2Sam 5:11-6:23; 1Chron 13-16
May 5: Ps 1-2/15/22-24/47/68
May 6: Ps 89/96/100-101/105/132
May 7: 2Sam 7; 1Chron 17
May 8: Ps 25/29/33/36/39
May 9: 2Sam 8-9; 1Chron 18
May 10: Ps 50/53/60/75
May 11: 2Sam10; 1Chron 19; Ps 20
May 12: Ps 65-67/69-70
May 13: 2Sam 11-12; 1Chron 20
May 14: Ps 32/51/86/122
May 15: 2Sam 13-15
May 16: Ps 3-4/12-13/28/55
May 17: 2Sam 16-18
May 18: Ps 26/40/58/61-62/64
May 19: 2Sam 19-21
May 20: Ps 5/38/41-42
May 21: 2Sam 22-23; Ps 57
May 22: Ps 95/97-99
May 23: 2Sam 24; 1Chron 21-22; Ps 30
May 24: Ps 108-110
May 25: 1Chron 23-25
May 26: Ps 131/138-139/143-145
May 27: 1Chron 26-29; Ps 127
May 28: Ps 111-118
May 29: 1King 1-2; Ps 37/71/94
May 30: Ps 119:1-88
May 31: 1King 3-4; 2Chron 1; Ps 72
Jun 1: Ps 119:89-176
Jun 2: Solomon 1-8
Jun 3: Prov 1-3
Jun 4: Prov 4-6
Jun 5: Prov 7-9
Jun 6: Prov 10-12
Jun 7: Prov 13-15
Jun 8: Prov 16-18
Jun 9: Prov 19-21
Jun 10: Prov 22-24
Jun 11: 1King 5-6; 2Chron 2-3
Jun 12: 1King 7; 2Chron 4
Jun 13: 1King 8; 2Chron 5
Jun 14: 2Chron 6-7; Ps 136
Jun 15: Ps 134/146-150
Jun 16: 1King 9; 2Chron 8
Jun 17: Prov 25-26
Jun 18: Prov 27-29
Jun 19: Ecc 1-6
Jun 20: Ecc 7-12
Jun 21: 1King 10-11; 2Chron 9
Jun 22: Prov 30-31
Jun 23: 1King 12-14
Jun 24: 2Chron 10-12
Jun 25: 1King 15:1-24; 2Chron 13-16
Jun 26: 1King 15:25-16:34; 2Chron 17
Jun 27: 1King 17-19
Jun 28: 1King 20-21
Jun 29: 1King 22; 2Chron 18
Jun 30: 2Chron 19-23
Jul 1: Oba; Ps 82-83
Jul 2: 2King 1-4
Jul 3: 2King 5-8
Jul 4: 2King 9-11
Jul 5: 2King 12-13; 2Chron 24
Jul 6: 2King 14; 2Chron 25
Jul 7: Jonah
Jul 8: 2King 15; 2Chron 26
Jul 9: Is 1-4
Jul 10: Is 5-8
Jul 11: Amos 1-5
Jul 12: Amos 6-9
Jul 13: 2Chron 27; Is 9-12
Jul 14: Micah 1-7
Jul 15: 2Chron 28; 2King 16-17
Jul 16: Is 13-17
Jul 17: Is 18-22
Jul 18: Is 23-27
Jul 19: 2King 18:1-8; 2Chron 29-31; Ps 48
Jul 20: Hos 1-7
Jul 21: Hos 8-14
Jul 22: Is 28-30
Jul 23: Is 31-34
Jul 24: Is 35-36
Jul 25: Is 37-39; Ps 76
Jul 26: Is 40-43
Jul 27: Is 44-48
Jul 28: 2King 18:9-19:37; Ps 46/80/135
Jul 29: Is 49-53
Jul 30: Is 54-58
Jul 31: Is 59-63
Aug 1: Is 64-66
Aug 2: 2King 20-21
Aug 3: 2Chron 32-33
Aug 4: Nahum 1-3
Aug 5: 2King 22-23; 2Chron 34-35
Aug 6: Zephaniah
Aug 7: Jer 1-3
Aug 8: Jer 4-6
Aug 9: Jer 7-9
Aug 10: Jer 10-13
Aug 11: Jer 14-17
Aug 12: Jer 18-22
Aug 13: Jer 23-25
Aug 14: Jer 26-29
Aug 15: Jer 30-31
Aug 16: Jer 32-34
Aug 17: Jer 35-37
Aug 18: Jer 38-40; Ps 74/79
Aug 19: 2King 24-25; 2Chron 36
Aug 20: Habakkuk
Aug 21: Jer 41-45
Aug 22: Jer 46-48
Aug 23: Jer 49-50
Aug 24: Jer 51-52
Aug 25: Lam 1:1-3:36
Aug 26: Lam 3:37-5:22
Aug 27: Ezek 1-4
Aug 28: Ezek 5-8
Aug 29: Ezek 9-12
Aug 30: Ezek 13-15
Aug 31: Ezek 16-17
Sep 1: Ezek 18-19
Sep 2: Ezek 20-21
Sep 3: Ezek 22-23
Sep 4: Ezek 24-27
Sep 5: Ezek 28-31
Sep 6: Ezek 32-34
Sep 7: Ezek 35-37
Sep 8: Ezek 38-39
Sep 9: Ezek 40-41
Sep 10: Ezek 42-43
Sep 11: Ezek 44-45
Sep 12: Ezek 46-48
Sep 13: Joel
Sep 14: Dan 1-3
Sep 15: Dan 4-6
Sep 16: Dan 7-9
Sep 17: Dan 10-12
Sep 18: Ezra 1-3
Sep 19: Ezra 4-6; Ps 137
Sep 20: Haggai 1-2
Sep 21: Zech 1-7
Sep 22: Zech 8-14
Sep 23: Est 1-5
Sep 24: Est 6-10
Sep 25: Ezra 7-10
Sep 26: Neh 1-5
Sep 27: Neh 6-7
Sep 28: Neh 8-10
Sep 29: Neh 11-13; Ps 126
Sep 30: Malachi 1-4
Oct 1: Luke 1; John 1:1-14
Oct 2: Matt 1; Luke 2:1-38
Oct 3: Matt 2; Luke 2:39-52
Oct 4: Matt 3; Mark 1; Luke 3
Oct 5: Matt 4; Luke 4-5; John 1:15-51
Oct 6: John 2-4
Oct 7: Mark 2
Oct 8: John 5
Oct 9: Matt 12:1-21; Mark 3; Luke 6
Oct 10: Matt 5-7
Oct 11: Matt 8:1-13; Luke 7
Oct 12: Matt 11
Oct 13: Matt 12:22-50
Oct 14: Matt 13; Luke 8
Oct 15: Matt 8:14-34; Mark 4-5
Oct 16: Matt 9-10
Oct 17: Matt 14; Mark 6; Luke 9:1-17
Oct 18: John 6
Oct 19: Matt 15; Mark 7
Oct 20: Matt 16; Mark 8; Luke 9:18-27
Oct 21: Matt 17; Mark 9; Luke 9:28-62
Oct 22: Matt 18
Oct 23: John 7-8
Oct 24: John 9:1-10:21
Oct 25: Luke 10-11; John 10:22-42
Oct 26: Luke 12-13
Oct 27: Luke 14-15
Oct 28: Luke 16-17:10
Oct 29: John 11
Oct 30: Luke 17:11-18:14
Oct 31: Matt 19; Mark 10
Nov 1: Matt 20-21
Nov 2: Luke 18:15-19:48
Nov 3: Mark 11; John 12
Nov 4: Matt 22; Mark 12
Nov 5: Matt 23; Luke 20-21
Nov 6: Mark 13
Nov 7: Matt 24
Nov 8: Matt 25
Nov 9: Matt 26; Mark 14
Nov 10: Luke 22; John 13
Nov 11: John 14-17
Nov 12: Matt 27; Mark 15
Nov 13: Luke 23; John 18-19
Nov 14: Matt 28; Mark 16
Nov 15: Luke 24; John 20-21
Nov 16: Acts 1-3
Nov 17: Acts 4-6
Nov 18: Acts 7-8
Nov 19: Acts 9-10
Nov 20: Acts 11-12
Nov 21: Acts 13-14
Nov 22: James 1-5
Nov 23: Acts 15-16
Nov 24: Gal 1-3
Nov 25: Gal 4-6
Nov 26: Acts 17-18:18
Nov 27: 1/2Thess
Nov 28: Acts 18:19-19:41
Nov 29: 1Cor 1-4
Nov 30: 1Cor 5-8
Dec 1: 1Cor 9-11
Dec 2: 1Cor 12-14
Dec 3: 1Cor 15-16
Dec 4: 2Cor 1-4
Dec 5: 2Cor 5-9
Dec 6: 2Cor 10-13
Dec 7: Acts 20:1-3; Rom 1-3
Dec 8: Rom 4-7
Dec 9: Rom 8-10
Dec 10: Rom 11-13
Dec 11: Rom 14-16
Dec 12: Acts 20:4-23:35
Dec 13: Acts 24-26
Dec 14: Acts 27-28
Dec 15: Colossians; Philemon
Dec 16: Ephesians
Dec 17: Philippians 1-4
Dec 18: 1 Timothy
Dec 19: Titus
Dec 20: 1 Peter
Dec 21: Heb 1-6
Dec 22: Heb 7-10
Dec 23: Heb 11-13
Dec 24: 2 Timothy
Dec 25: 2 Peter; Jude
Dec 26: 1 John
Dec 27: 2/3 John
Dec 28: Rev 1-5
Dec 29: Rev 6-11
Dec 30: Rev 12-18
Dec 31: Rev 19-22

Provision

if only  sparrow  

“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?”

I fought this move to Texas hard. I was sure my calling and gift from God was to teach. Even more specifically, I was certain that my purpose was to teach upper grade literature and writing. I had such passion for it. Still do. But it’s funny how life throws the most amazing curve balls just to mix things up and show me that I don’t know it all. Dustin was very persistent in his desire to follow where God was leading us. He was as certain that this was the move for us as I was that it was not. But, I followed. Begrudgingly, mind you.

I have always been aware of the passage from the Bible that speaks of God taking care of us and providing for us. I know in my head that He calls us to not worry. But my heart didn’t trust. My heart didn’t have faith. I love when God shows up to say “I told you so.”

This morning as I reflect on my failure to trust, I praise God for never leaving nor forsaking me. I praise God for His great provision. I was keenly aware last night as I drove home from parent orientation at school just how much more awesome His plan is than mine. I began immediately listing in my mind all the ways, He has provided.

1. Our house in MS sold within three weeks. (We said we wouldn’t go if it didn’t sell)

2. Our house in MS sold within days before we were scheduled to come to TX to look for houses. (We said we wouldn’t be able to look for homes if our house had not sold by the time we visited Houston)

3. The last remaining house available in the school zone we wanted was only available because the original buyers backed out.

4. The secretary at the school, when we toured, told us she was also from MS and was so kind to Reese. Reese walked away saying she had found her new Ms. Kimble. (Reese did not want to leave Ms. Kimble behind in MS)

5. Emerson and Reese have never once looked back. Their excitement has been relieving to say the least.

6. I was more persistent than I have ever been about obtaining a teaching position at Emerson and Reese’s school. I emailed, called, went by to hand deliver resumes, got my MS principal to write and email on my behalf. Not to appear overly confident or arrogant, but I had a great resume. I had what principals would look for in a reading teacher (so I thought). I was just bewildered why I wouldn’t at least get an interview. I believe I didn’t get it for a specific reason.

7. I became pregnant.

8. I increasingly became not just okay, but really comfortable with staying home. I have become a baker, a cleaner, an organizer, a writer, a reader, and unfortunately a shopper. My mornings in MS were rushed and chaotic to say the least. I was not pleasant with my children who always seemed to be slowing me down as we were trying to get to work and school. I gave so much of my time and heart to my students that I somehow forgot my main responsibility. Our mornings now are refreshing. They are calm. We read stories at breakfast and laugh and pray before leaving home. We sit together in car rider line and talk.

9. Emerson has always enjoyed reading. But she has flourished this summer and in just the few short weeks of being at school. She has a chapter book with her at all times (her favorite of course is the Gooney Bird series from Lois Lowry :)) She has two amazing teachers who are just the most perfect fit for her. I was upset that I wouldn’t be able to pick her teacher this year as I have in the past, being a teacher at her school. I was worried she wouldn’t get who she needed. Emerson needs just the right combination of structure and nurture or she gives up. She feels defeated easily. These two precious ladies, Ms. Hudspeth and Ms. Klenke, couldn’t have been a better fit. Emerson comes home telling me about all of Ms. Hudspeth’s books and how much she loves to read. And she always has funny stories about Ms. Klenke. Ms. Klenke is great for Emerson because Ms. Klenke loves humor. I have heard every night for two weeks how funny she is. I got a glimpse of her humor last night at parent night and Emerson was right. I love that Emerson has opportunities during the day to laugh with her teacher. I cry easily. I get emotional way too often. I’m hoping Ms. Klenke couldn’t see my tears of joy last night as she was presenting her curriculum. When she announced that one of the prizes for good behavior was for a student to “buy” the class a ten minute dance party, I almost lost it. Those are the kinds of teachers we need. Teachers who engage our children with heart and soul.

10. On to Reese and her teacher. For those of you who know my Reese, you know how tenderhearted she is. Ms. Stokes is the same way. She is nurturing, soft spoken, caring, and generous. Reese adores her. I was so worried that Reese would get a teacher who could possibly break her spirit. Reese doesn’t thrive under harsh discipline. She needs smiles and hugs. She got the best teacher for her. I also love that Ms. Stokes appreciates Reese’s southern accent. Ms. Stokes told me last night that Reese’s writing shows apparent signs of a Mississippi girl, being that first graders spell words phonetically.

11. Our church. I have never seen Emerson and Reese so excited on a Sunday morning. They adore the music, the teachings, and the people. Dustin and I searched for a long time, both in MS and in TX, but God knew where He wanted us.

It’s amazing to me that in spite of all of my stubbornness and unfaithfulness, that God still loves me enough to show me that His  way is best.